Stocktaking, November 1998

Sunday, 1 November 1998

Time to take stock again, and ask myself some important questions: Where am I heading, and what do I want to do with my life?

Believe it or not, it’s already been six months since I returned to South Africa! I increasingly look back at the few months between September/October last year and February/March/April of this year. It was a profound time in terms of answering important questions. The main ideas that had had a serious influence on my thinking in that period were “Belonging” and “Commitment”.

Now, after six months, I ask myself again: To what am I committed, and to what do I want to be committed? Where do I belong, and what do I want to be a part of? Earlier this year I had given some answers to these questions which for all practical purposes amounted to me wanting to establish myself in South Africa, and to committing myself to the world where I wanted to belong the most – which was my own country. I could however not put my finger on a single ambition of what I had wanted to do. I also did not have any detailed plans.

The past six months have enabled me to perhaps give a new interpretation to the above principles, and to get some clarity on the single ambition, the single dream. I want to write – poetry, short stories, articles, and anything else that needs to be written.

In order to pursue this, I would have to become more independent. I must be able to do what I want. I cannot be limited by the obligation to fork over R2000 per month to some or other institution. I should be allowed to spend my money on myself.

To achieve a position of self-reliance, freedom and independence, I need to make money. The faster I can reach this point, the better. But I would have to do it in such a way that I would still be able to pursue my singular ambition on a daily basis.