Reasons (to not commit suicide)


(Alternate title: Reasons to consider doing it)

1. I’m relatively healthy.

2. I have two girlfriends.

3. Neither of the two knows me.

4. I can afford peanut butter.

5. I have a computer.

6. I don’t work tomorrow.

7. I have three loads of laundry to do.

8. There are too many people.

9. Theoretically speaking, two people had to have had sex for each person on earth, which makes regular sexual intercourse between two people relatively normal.

10. I am abnormal.

11. I want to be a writer.

12. I have no inspiration.

13. I have a few ideas.

14. I want to be rich and live in Stellenbosch and eat breakfast at McDonald’s every morning.

15. I want a couple of prostitutes as friends, but I think my mother would mind.

16. My cigarettes burn out too quickly.

17. I can’t manage to win the third player on the TV tennis game.

18. It’s five to three on a Thursday morning, and I’m 28 years old.

19. The twentieth century is over.

20. I still want to go to Moscow to look at Vladimir Lenin.

21. I still want to spend a few days in Paris in the autumn with a beautiful woman.

22. Rodney Seale doesn’t choose my music anymore.

23. There’s always a possibility that I can hit the jackpot.

24. The chances are slim.

25. I’m getting fat.

26. Cheeseburgers, pizza, Pringles, and chocolates.

27. Perhaps life never gets any better than now.