The same questions still consume me


I am consumed with questions: What are we? Why do we do what we do? Why do we live the way we do? What is “happiness”? What does it mean to be “unhappy”? What do people do to be “satisfied”? Are there noticeable universal patterns? What does it mean to live a “meaningful life”? How do we live meaningful lives? What is the nature of a human being? Needs, desires, goals … I can’t devote my life to making money while being consumed by these questions. I am driven to find answers. I can’t ignore them.

Despite my obsession I have to continue playing by the rules. I have to buy food and groceries, pay rent and water and electricity, and so on. I can’t fulfil my needs by living in a cave, and by going hunting, or maybe by cultivating my own patch of land – not in the world in which I live, anyway.

I have long since learned that what I need is available, as long as I have something to exchange for the food I want to eat, and the clothes I want to wear. What I need is credit. How do you get credit? By either producing a product for a market, or by delivering a service. That’s why I get up at 6:45 every morning – so I can provide a service to obtain credit in the form of cash, which can then be exchanged for what I need. Whether I enjoy my service is of secondary importance – I have to do it.

But still I am consumed with what I don’t know or understand. Can something like a purpose be attributed to human life? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that if there is a purpose but you fail to fulfil it, the regret you’ll experience later in life would feel like a ton of bricks on your shoulders.