Author: Brand Smit

THURSDAY, 21 JANUARY 2010

This morning I saw a large wooden table on a sidewalk, tipped over on its side, legs pointing stiffly forward, like a cow that had suddenly dropped dead.

What a waste, I thought.

Earlier I passed a Cadillac parked by the side of the road – covered with dust, a few scratches, tyres a little flat, “For sale!” sign in its windshield like all the other abandoned cars on that stretch of road.

What a waste, I also thought.

This morning on the way to my apartment I thought about how much I have learned the past few years. I am good at research, following clues, collecting material, sorting material, weighing opinions, formulating opinions – but when it comes to implementation, I can’t stick to one thing for long enough to make a success of it.

So, with this issue, too, I cannot help but think, what a bloody waste.

TUESDAY, 26 JANUARY 2010

Who is this 20-foot bully before whom I kneel in submission, before whom I prostrate myself in the dust? Tell me the name of the monster whose servant I am, and probably will stay all my life. Tell me in whose name I suffer. In whose name do I still wear the same clothes as five years ago? In whose name am I broke? In whose name do I borrow and beg and worry about money? Tell me – what is the name of this monster?

THURSDAY, 28 JANUARY 2010

Why, starting in May 2006, haven’t I tried harder to get more teaching jobs to make more money? Why haven’t I tried harder to work with other people?

The answer to both questions reminds me of the old saying: “Be careful what you wish for.” And it confirms what I have read someone said about the subconscious: that it is like a powerful genie, yet at the same time like a 3-year-old child.

One of my earliest desires was to be left alone, to stand on the side observing the world from a distance.

It seems that the fulfilment of a desire has impeded the realisation of a dream.

______________________

TUESDAY, 3 NOVEMBER 2009

Everyone is on their own journey. Everybody’s struggle is different, and equally real. Everyone knows something, or is fighting something, or struggling with something, or trying to survive something, or trying to pursue something of which you know nothing. (The same can of course be said about you, to someone else.)

Before you compare yourself with other people, ask yourself: Do you understand the complexity of the other person’s life?

THURSDAY, 12 NOVEMBER 2009

If you accept the premise that you are never truly free, you stand before a choice: you either choose your own chains, or chains will be forced upon you.

A reasonable question follows: If you do end up in the relatively fortuitous position to be able to choose your own chains, how do you choose?

THURSDAY, 19 NOVEMBER 2009

To be less judgmental, and less critical of others, is a good thing.

The last forty-plus months of struggling have made me humble. And less keen to point out other people’s weaknesses.

SATURDAY, 28 NOVEMBER 2009

The Christian church is a socio-cultural institution that helps facilitate the development and maintenance of personal identity. The church’s theology [religious beliefs and theory] and ideology [system of ideas and ideals] provide many people with purpose and meaning to life, and it provides a moral framework to distinguish right from wrong.

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SATURDAY, 21 NOVEMBER 2009

The question, “How can I make money?” is problematic. It focuses on the one who is supposed to make money, and how can you expect to make money with something that focuses on the one who needs the money?

A better series of questions can be suggested: In what ways can I give value to someone else’s life that will also put money in my pocket? How can I contribute to an increase in someone else’s life quality in ways that will also bring me some profit? In what ways can I add value to something that someone else is producing or has produced that will help me pay my rent?

This is not the first time I think along these lines, but what happens every time is I open my eyes after a few weeks or a few months to see that I have once again lost track, that I have once again started asking: What can I sell? How can I make money with this project?

Unless you have the ability and the means to speculate with capital, the answer to the question of how you can make money will always be by providing value to people willing to pay for it.

MONDAY, 23 NOVEMBER 2009

20:46

I only need one thing when I go to South Africa in three weeks and five days’ time, and it is not a lot of money. My only request is that I manifest calm confidence in myself.

It is true that money is usually a source of superficial self-confidence. Many people’s heads also spin from sheer confusion if you are calm and confident even though you don’t have or make a lot of money.

The question is, can you respect yourself if your wallet is on the thin side? Can you really manifest calm confidence in yourself if you have to pinch your coins before you spend them?

There are ultimately many reasons why someone isn’t rolling in the money, or why they don’t have easy access to credit. If other people find it difficult to respect you if you don’t have money, that is their problem. If you can still respect yourself even when you’re broke, cash flow is your only problem.

21:41

Animals can smell fear and react instinctively to it. Likewise, most people can sense a lack of self-esteem in another person. Again, the response is involuntary.

______________________

MONDAY, 5 OCTOBER 2009

In the words of a popular Afrikaans poet: “I presumed so much, I believed so much, and yet, I proved so little.” Or, to quote Steven Wright: “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

Well, I did believe a lot, and propagated much. I did try a lot of things and I am still trying, and what might be called conventional success eludes me still – just about, I might add. I always believe I am hot on its trail.

Finally, I wear my failures and my embarrassments like a boxer wears his scars – it isn’t who I am, but it does say: I’ve been in the ring. I don’t hide the proof, and I do not wear a mask.

FRIDAY, 16 OCTOBER 2009

Why I do not make more money, explanation number 78:

From the beginning, in May 2006, I focused on the short-term; I never focused on developing online brands and online properties and monetising them for long-term income. I worked on things that I thought would quickly make up for lost income from classes that had been cancelled during my visit to South Africa in April 2006.

Also, as I noted at some point, I had underestimated some things, and I made other things more complicated than they were.

And it probably doesn’t help that I am the kind of person who wants to find his own way rather than to listen to what other people who have already achieved a measure of success in a particular area have to say, and then to follow neatly in their footsteps.

THURSDAY, 29 OCTOBER 2009

A lot happens in two years – in other words, many things change, and the consciousness develops that two years were a long time. Little happens in, say the last 41 months – that is, there is little or no change in living and working environments, few or no new friends, routine stays more or less the same, and the consciousness develops that “the last few years have simply slipped by”.

Mark the passing of time with change, or feel time slipping through your fingers. One example: Leaving the city for a weekend every few months usually works like a charm.

FRIDAY, 30 OCTOBER 2009

A problem in many communities in far too many countries:

– X-number of people with no money, no roots, no hope, and no interest in the welfare of the community.

– Drugs are freely available.

– Weapons are easy to get hold of.

– Plenty of vulnerable targets.

SATURDAY, 31 OCTOBER 2009

I have a bit of an obsession with the Springsteen lyric that says, “Down here it’s just winners and losers and don’t get caught on the wrong side of that line.” [from “Atlantic City” on the Nebraska album]

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TUESDAY, 1 SEPTEMBER 2009

I am playing “She loves me, she loves me not” – only this time it is, “I have a deep-seated problem that prevents me from making more money, I do not have a deep-seated problem …”

I reckon I’ve identified another problem: I want to avoid it as far as possible to make significant appearances. This affects my private English tutoring possibilities, and it affects business opportunities where people would expect to be able to contact me and ask about things.

“Leave me alone!” may just cost me my financial independence.

THURSDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER 2009

For me it has always been, and still is to some extent, a very unnatural thing to try to make money.

However, there are many activities that do feel natural to me, that seem to be a better fit for my personality, my personal style, and my self-perception.

This leads to a simple and obvious conclusion: I need to learn to make these activities profitable.

SATURDAY, 5 SEPTEMBER 2009

There are good people to be found everywhere who do not know you but who are willing to help you; also, good people who, without them or you being aware of it, need your help.

There are also people who would be interested in what you have to say, if what you have to say actually ever reached their eyes or ears.

That you sometimes need to take a few steps outside your comfort zone suddenly doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.

TUESDAY, 8 SEPTEMBER 2009

When I wake up in the morning, I do not see work waiting for me, I see opportunities.

I am 38 years old. Despite making some serious mistakes, I have clearly managed to get a few basic things right.

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