Author: Brand Smit

Thursday, 21 November 1996

I have to make this note before another month passes! A while ago, a week would have felt endlessly long. Now time is passing two weeks at a time! It’s Thursday today, and I still remember looking at the clock in the classroom last week Monday, thinking how slowly time was passing. And that was last week Monday!

Three weeks ago I had been in Korea for four months, with four months left before my target month of February. In a week I will have been here for five months, with three months to go to my target …

I know in many ways it will be beneficial to stay longer, but I’m sticking to February. As time draws nearer, we’ll talk again.

December I think is going to be all right; probably just fucking cold.

As things are standing right now, I’m planning to resign in ten weeks, and to go home in fourteen weeks …

Monday, 25 November 1996

According to Plan A, I’ll return to South Africa in three months. Three months. What I’ll leave behind is a sometimes dull, sometimes exhausting, sometimes depressing, sometimes exciting, yet ultimately unforgettable life where I earn a few thousand rand every month, and where I spend time with people I now call friends that I will probably never see again.

What I’ll be entering is a world where I can speak my own language, see old friends, and spend a few days in Stellenbosch. Within a few weeks, I’ll be going to Europe for a new phase of my life.

The latest I can go back is the end of May – six months and one week from now. In a month I will have been here for six months, and then May is five months away.

Solution: I still have to work and save for the end of February. I’ll have to see how things work out, and talk again during December. If I decide February is too soon, I’ll have to look at March, and then at April.

I just have to remember it’s four o’clock on a Monday afternoon. This is usually a depressing time. I just have to try to get through today, and then tomorrow …

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Wednesday, 23 October 1996

All in all, Korea has so far been a valuable life experience. A somewhat romantic idea of living abroad has been supplemented with some concrete observations:

1. It’s not easy being away from my people. To be honest, I feel very much cut off from my family. (I don’t have a telephone at home, so I call them two or three times per month from a phone booth. That also means they can’t call me. And sending me faxes is too much trouble because the people here aren’t always that keen on helping.)

2. I always talk about where I’ll go and what I’d experience if I had a lot of money. But just look at where you go and what you do experience in your search for the “fortune” that will put you in that position!

Sunday, 27 October 1996

My life in Korea consists of three distinct periods of time:

1. The long, boring hours at work

2. The hours at home when I take it easy, drink coffee, listen to music, and think about things

3. Good times with friends and acquaintances

I won’t be able to turn back time and continue my life without the experiences I’ve had in Korea. What a strange experience! It’s definitely the kind of thing the bailiff can’t take away from you.

Tuesday, 29 October 1996

An intention: I have to make Korea as enjoyable as possible for myself. At some point it will be just another chapter in my life book. I should also remember that the chapter is still in the process of being written. It’s my responsibility to make sure it’s a good chapter. I’d better start working on interesting material!

What I’m trying to say is that I won’t be here forever. I don’t want to have any regrets about something that I didn’t do or didn’t experience because I just wanted time to pass as quickly as possible.

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Saturday, 7 September 1996

Working things out on my own enables me to deal more effectively with a confusing world. It helps if my pegs are well anchored to the winds that sometimes tear into one’s tent flaps.

Wednesday, 9 October 1996

I realised today there’s almost always a grey cloud hanging over me. An awareness of being happy is almost always one step ahead of me – but I also tend to stay one step ahead of a definite awareness of being miserable. Maybe a good balance?

The smallest things sometimes make me … happy – like being told just before my evening class that the class has been cancelled.

I am currently struggling to get through my classes. And it’s not because it’s hard work. It’s just so damn boring!

I just want to get through the boring hours at work so I can go home – even if I’m just sitting here doing nothing, at least I won’t be stuck in a classroom with a bunch of kids. I can smoke when I want to, make coffee, listen to music …

I have to do things that motivate me, and that stimulate my interest. I need to do something to make Korea worth staying for a year.

The fact is, the longer, the better.

The question remains: What happens after Korea?

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Tuesday, 30 July 1996

Arrived in Korea on 30 June. I survived my first week, and … what do you know? My first month has just seen its arse.

It’s once again one of those things you know is going to happen, but you have to go through the formalities first. I had to live through the first month day by day and hour by hour before I could reach this point.

It’s 30 July 1996. I’m moving into my own room either tomorrow or this weekend. And on Saturday I’m getting approximately ₩700,000 [$700/R3,500] cash.

* * *

I also want to marry and have children at some point. Still, I don’t want the kind of life my friends are leading, even though I was thinking, just two months ago, that they had wonderful lives.

What I’m currently experiencing is an adventure within a relatively stable environment. I have a place to live; I have a job; I earn about R3,600 per month, and I live in a country in Northeast Asia with all the potential for discovery that keeps you busy in boring times. And, I’m not in a position where I think I’ve arrived now, that this is going to be my life for the next forty years, with the existential panic that usually goes with that.

I’m in a position where I experience a fair degree of security. But, I’m also aware that I will only be here for another eleven months, so there’s no reason for uncontrollable anxiety.

I can say: “Okay, this is my life for another eleven months. What then? England? Eastern Europe …”

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Sunday, 14 July 1996

Was back in Seoul for so-called training yesterday. It worked out well in the end because I was able to visit the [South African guy I met at the airport], who’s quite homesick, and not very pleased with his situation. I also met his American colleague – quite a perverse guy. He’s okay.

On Friday night, I went to SE Jazz and saw [one of the Canadian ladies] again. We talked for a while, and then she asked if it would be rude if she said she’d like to kiss me. I said: “Well, I’m not sure of the consequences …”

I also found out tonight about my new room. It’s in the same unit as the home of the owner of the school, Mrs Kim, but with an outside door and separate wash area. What I’ve seen from the outside is that it’s spacious, with a few windows.

Also went to the Immigration Office this week and had a bit of luck in the process. Because they took my passport, I couldn’t cash my traveller checks*, so I received an advance of ₩50,000 on my salary.

I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I think Korea could turn out all right.

———–

* I arrived in Korea with R400’s worth of traveller checks: R200 I got from my family for my birthday, and R200 left over from the proceeds of selling my car six months prior.

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