Author: Brand Smit

WEDNESDAY, 14 JULY 2004

I am going to annoy myself if I continue saying it, but I don’t think I am fully aware of the full meaning and implication of the given self/chosen self idea.

Fact is that people sometimes burn up decades trying to sort out what they are supposed to do. They spend years looking for “true” answers, their “real” selves, their “right” place in the world, where they supposedly “really” belong … without realising they basically have two choices: accept to a large extent your given self and function as such, within the particular framework of given place and time, or choose who and what you want to be, and where.

As I have previously also mentioned, the latter choices will always be constrained by the given self, by fate data and by needs of the community, and particularly to given time. Still, OPTIONS DO EXIST.

Some people may always remain a victim of given time and place, but ask yourself an important question: Am I a defeated victim of given time and place, or is there room for me to make choices?

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SUNDAY, 11 JULY 2004

Coma, amnesia, and consciousness of the self – the relationship between the body and the “psyche”

My sense of self and my ability to think critically about the self whilst my own self remains comfortable depend greatly on the proper functioning of my major organs.

The details of my particular self-consciousness – language, culture, ethnicity – is directly related to the rise of the Dutch Republic to eminent naval power and accompanying economic growth and prosperity and even advancements in art during the seventeenth century.

* * *

Both “sense of self” and “identity” are essential for something to function. What is this something?

* * *

Family and friends are important, even essential to our existence, because we think they know us. They – “know who I am.”

* * *

It feels like I am running down the correct lane in the orchard, but I am not barking up the right tree.

* * *

Johnny Clegg said, “Spirit is the journey, body is the bus.” Perhaps one should be more specific and say: The body is the bus, sense of self and particular identity is the driver, and the “spirit” is the passenger that needs both the body, and the self-identity to get where it needs to go. But, go where?

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TUESDAY, 6 JULY 2004

Choose and believe

The goal is not to be incapable of doing evil deeds, but not to do evil deeds.

That means looking yourself in the eyes and admitting, “I am capable of being evil and doing bad things,” and then to choose to not be evil, and to not do bad things.

This choice, as most know, is not always easy, but even that should serve as motivation, rather than as a reason to doubt yourself.

Believe that you can be good. Believe that you can do good things. Then be good, and do good deeds.

Myself and I: “I talk to myself.” A deceptively simple statement? Who’s the “I” in that sentence, and who’s the “self”?

WEDNESDAY 7 JULY 2004

Happiness is a sensory issue

Happiness is primarily an issue of the senses.

Think about it for a minute: What are you looking at right now? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you hear? What are you touching?

Equally important, and perhaps even more so: What are you not looking at, or what do you not see? What do you not smell? What do you not taste? What don’t you hear? What are you not touching?

And then, if happiness is to a great extent dependent on how you experience your immediate environment: What do you want to see? What do you want to smell? What do you want to taste? What do you want to listen to? What do you want to touch?

Conclusions on FRIDAY, 9 JULY 2004

1. What at one stage seemed like wise choices that initially had positive results, may in some cases with the passage of time produce extremely negative consequences.

2. Sometimes you must pretend what you are not to achieve more positive results.

3. The enlightened, wise person should be able to play the game better than the ignorant; he should also be able to exert better control over his emotions.

4. The question can be asked: Do you want to play the game?

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The idea was originally to use the material of this “Final Chapter” as the fourth and final part of the “Personal Agenda” project. It should therefore not lead to any shock and surprise if I should mention that what follows builds on the material that has preceded this chapter.

In short, prepare yourself for another several dozen pages of observations, usually unsolicited social criticism, arguments with myself (and others, but only in my own mind), plans that are not really relevant to anyone else, and insights that may just be useful for one or two people.

This chapter can for various reasons still be seen as the unofficial final chapter of the “Personal Agenda” project, while also serving as the first chapter of the next project. Allow me then to solemnly announce, without any further delay, the absolutely concluding …

FINAL CHAPTER

and

CHAPTER ONE

of the next project, entitled:

volume II

POST UNTITLED

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MONDAY, 5 JULY 2004

I

“The Personal Agenda of Brand Smit” is a collection of more than a hundred pieces dealing with one person’s ideas of what it means to exist, what humans need to survive and to function relatively successfully in the modern world, and what it may mean to be “happy”.

The material is rooted in my own life for the simple reason that I used myself as chief test subject – because there is no one that I know better than myself. The fact that it is autobiographical does not imply that I think my life is, or has so far been more interesting than other people’s lives – the opposite is most probably closer to the truth.

Especially the last five years of my life [1999 to 2004] have for several reasons been conducive to asking certain questions about my own life, coming up with a few answers, and to identifying certain principles on what a “happy” life may possibly involve. I believe that these things can be relevant for other people who also want to answer the question of what it means to them to exist.

II

The book deals with the following scenario: After graduating from high school a man went to university where he earned a degree in the so-called social sciences. In addition to knowledge and insight gained – which would prove to come in handy later on – he also managed to accumulate thousands of rands in student debt. He always knew he would have to take responsibility for this debt – his parents have been engaged in their own struggle for financial survival for years.

After graduating from university he did not try very hard to look for a job of any kind in his own country, for reasons he could only briefly formulate at the time. Eighteen months after he had attained his final tertiary qualification, he went to South Korea to earn money as an English teacher. After two years he returned to South Africa, and made a heroic but totally unsuccessful attempt to join a more conventional flow of existence. Eight months later he returned to Northeast Asia. For the past five years he has been living on the island of Taiwan.

The main protagonist of this story is now in his early thirties. He owns no property. He does not own a car. He is not married, and he has no children. He is not currently involved in an intimate relationship. He is thousands of kilometres away from his closest relatives – whom he misses very much, and from the land of his birth. He has not saved a significant amount of money, and he continues to pay his student debt – albeit rather slowly.

Yet this man is relatively pleased with himself. Why? “The Personal Agenda of Brand Smit” attempts to lay out the reasons.

III

A young man is walking through the Gallery of Adult Lives. He is looking with a degree of bemusement at the exhibit that shows how many adults spend their time on earth. He sees the work that people do, the houses, the children, the annual vacations, family gatherings and so on.

Through all the rooms and hallways full of portraits he gets what he believes is a balanced view of the good times and some challenging times that probably await him too.

However, it is the work that adults do that really gets his attention. A few so-called careers seem to him somewhat impressive, but his predominant impression is, “Jeepers, don’t these people die of boredom?!” So he continues to the next exhibit of professions. “Wow,” he’ll think to himself, “I cannot imagine that people do these things every day of their lives until they’re old!” Then he will go through a few more rooms. “Good heavens!” he would say out loud. “How can anyone expect people to do such tedious work?”

Eventually the curator of the gallery gets tired of these rude outbursts. “Young man,” he scolds him, “people do most of these jobs not because they enjoy doing them. They do it for the money. Didn’t your parents tell you that you will also one day have to earn an income?”

Slowly but surely it dawns on him that people earn money to afford homes, cars, clothes, food, holidays at the sea, toys for children, and things like magazines and daily newspapers. He also realises that some people get really old, and if they cannot earn an income any longer, they have to live on money they had saved during the years they did work.

Nevertheless, he could still not escape the thought that he can think of many better ways to spend his time. He does not have a problem with the idea of working; it is just that he can think of many other examples of work that will be much more exciting, work that will give him a sense that how he spends eight-plus hours a day is worth more than monetary compensation. He also believes that he can devote himself much more easily to this other work on which he can spend forty hours or more per week.

The young man then expresses these thoughts to the curator. The curator again rises from his chair and with a finger wagging furiously in the air shouts at the man. “That work does not give you enough money for a house and a car and food and clothing and holidays and toys and medicine and weekly magazines! Do you not understand? From what planet are you …”

By the time the man exchanges the musty, cold rooms for fresh air and sunshine, he feels a little panicky. He understands the whole story of making money and getting older and so on, but why does he not see his future in images similar to those in the exhibits? And how on earth could he be in opposition if it is such a great gallery, with so many portraits, and so many people who live their lives according to these customs?

Who is he to think that he can try something else?

IV

It is like a bicycle lock, or a safe. You turn the lock to a number, and something clicks in place. Then you turn it to another number, and again something clicks. Again you turn the little wheel, and again something falls into place. After all the teeth have moved into the right grooves, the lock or the safe door opens and you can continue with your life.

I am just an ordinary person. I have the same basic structure as everyone else, and just like everyone has slightly different “codes” so mine is also relatively unique. But the result is usually the same: Everything falls into place, the door opens, and you step inside.

Perhaps the problem isn’t that my vault door has not opened yet. It may rather be a case that the door has in fact swung open but I have chosen until now to remain outside, to examine the door, to study the lock mechanism, and to observe other people who go through the same process of “insight” into the life of an adult person, and “now I know what I must do”.

It may also turn out at the end that my tendency to question everything is my unique “code”. What should have fallen into place have already occurred. I may already have entered – or climbed on the proverbial bicycle, and I may in fact be doing the exact job I was always supposed to do.

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