The New Left, or Program Yourself – A few remarks

SATURDAY, 28 APRIL 2018

A conflict between two sets of ideas seems to be raging in the West.

On the one hand there are people who say: “This set of beliefs is the truth. That’s all that matters. Anyone who doesn’t agree with us or support our ideology is part of the problem, and is therefore a legitimate target for our protests, insults, and even physical violence.”

This set of ideas is seen by its adherents as theology – beyond debate, and beyond critical analysis, and it is proclaimed with the conviction and passion of missionaries.

On the other side of the conflict are people who reckon that some of the things their “opponents” say about structures that suppress people, and about gender, and identity, and so on are interesting. They go so far as to believe you may end up speaking more intelligently about the nature of human beings, relationships between people and groups, and the nature of power, if you look at these ideas and consider them seriously.

But they also say: “How valuable is it to see yourself as the victim of years, decades, or centuries of oppression? You will probably have to convince half of the population – or more – that you have suffered more in your life than they have, or that they and their ancestors enjoyed structural advantages and opportunities at the expense of you and your ancestors and that they therefore owe you something. Some of the things you say may be true. But does it help you put food on the table? Does it help you to take care of your children, and put a roof over your head and theirs?”

“Focus on your strengths,” they will add. “Focus on what you have and forget about things that won’t help you put food on the table. Focus on the positive; imagine the negatives as just an illusion. Create your own future, from today, by seeing yourself as a creator, not as a victim.”

* * *

I understand – or I think I understand – both sides. I grew up with loyalty to a certain set of beliefs. I was taught that believing was a matter of life and death. I viewed people who didn’t believe like me as blind, ignorant, wrong, and doomed. Even years after deciding to follow reason rather than tradition, I couldn’t completely get away from a certain way of thinking: I still saw myself as a Searcher for the Truth.

Over the last few years, though, I’ve become more attracted to a different set of ideas: practical ideas that can improve anyone’s life who is willing to give it a chance. These ideas include that human beings are programmable – that you actually have the ability to create your own reality. This means that you may have to fool yourself at the beginning. You may have to believe that you can do things you can’t prove you can do. You might need to fake it for a while. But what happens eventually? It starts becoming your reality. And in the end, what may not have been the truth at the beginning, becomes your truth – your new reality.

* * *

In simple terms: If you think of yourself as a victim of structural oppression to whom something is owed, then that will be your daily reality. If you think of yourself as a creator, or a programmer of your own psyche and associated reality, and you focus on what is possible and what you can do, there’s a good chance that you will bring about a better reality for yourself. And seeing that this reality will be built on positive thinking and creative energy, there is no end to what you can accomplish.

Is this to say that you have to ignore inconvenient truths? Not at all. You acknowledge verifiable aspects of reality – maybe you don’t have use of your arms and/or legs, for example, but you also ask: How can I work with this?

* * *

The side insisting that their understanding of affairs is the only truth is blinded by loyalty to their ideology. They believe allegations because the “right” people are accused. They don’t seek evidence because the one who is accused of something is in any case guilty of greater crimes, so it doesn’t matter if they are technically innocent of the particular crime they’re accused of. Good, reasonable arguments are rejected because the “wrong” people make the argument. People who ask questions are accused of helping the “wrong” side with their questions, and of enabling bigger sinners to commit bigger sins.

Principles that have helped people to live better lives since the eighteenth century, to ensure better lives for the maximum number of people, and to examine and comprehend how people and nature function, are also in the line of fire. Principles of scientific research that yield verifiable results are ignored or simply rejected when they don’t reinforce or confirm the accepted ideology. And freedom of speech is seen as an instrument in the hands of the oppressor, rather than a right that everyone has to air his or her opinion, no matter how strange or unpopular that opinion may be.

The fact that there is a raging conflict of ideas in the West is clear for all to see. That one side is shooting themselves in the foot and poking their fingers in their own eyes may not be so obvious.

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What I would like to tell my farmer ancestors

THURSDAY, 5 APRIL 2018

The fact that the members of the Smit-Bornman family – my parents, my two sisters and I – have such a complicated relationship with money is most likely related to the fact that our ancestors were mainly livestock farmers for 250-300 years, and were still farming up to two generations ago, although with more than just cattle.

The difference between a livestock and a crop farmer is a difference not only in lifestyle but in farming technique. The crop farmer needs to know when, what and where to plant, and when to harvest, and will think twice before giving up good land and moving away just because pasture for sheep or cattle is getting harder to find. There’s also a difference in labour management – amongst other things, the crop farmer needs more hands on the farm. Another factor is entrepreneurial spirit – the crop farmer needs to know what fruit and vegetables are in demand, how big the demand is and at what price he has to sell his produce to at least break even.

All of these differences are relevant to understanding my own family’s relationship with money because, as I pointed out, my ancestors were steeped in the culture, lifestyle and profession of cattle farming for centuries.

As far as I could determine, not one of my grandparents knew much about the four things that one should do to become wealthy in the city: selling and marketing, extracting value from the labour of people who are more or less your social equals, advertising your service or product, and re-investing your profits so that your wealth increases – with a little luck. My own parents were more or less fresh from the farm, and they had to get to know the city on their own. They had to observe what other townies were doing, and eventually learned to survive in the city to an adequate degree.

But they also didn’t learn much about the things that make you financially independent. What they learned was that you gained a skill, and then made yourself useful to some company or institution, or to the state. And if you were fortunate, you got a “permanent position”, focused on your “career” for the next forty years, and in the meantime started a family in a middle-class suburb with beautifully mowed lawns and clean, quiet streets.

That is what my parents had learned, and that is what they taught me and my two sisters. Study hard, matriculate from high school, go to university, get a degree, make an impression on some company or institution, and continue the whole cycle.

Only problem is, this model doesn’t work well for everyone. Another thing: Very few people ever become financially independent by selling their time to someone else.

There is surely more than one road to the Promised Land, but knowing how to sell and market, how to extract value from the efforts of people who are at a similar social level than you, how to promote a service or product, and how to invest your profits in such a way that you get richer and richer with a little luck is definitely one way.

My grandparents taught my parents few, if any, of these urban skills, and in turn my parents taught us hardly any of this.

Of course, we have been, and are clever enough to master these things on our own. And if you work out soon enough that it is specifically those things that need to be mastered, and luck is at least a little on your side, you can whisper across the vast plains of the Eastern Cape, the Free State and the old Transvaal to you livestock farming ancestors: Don’t worry about me; I’m flourishing in the city. But if you take too long to master these skills and life starts chafing, you’ll be leading the kind of life in the city about which you’d rather not inform your humble forebears.

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A pattern of doubt and little writing

MONDAY, 12 MARCH 2018

It’s already March, and I’m only on page 14 of this year’s notebook.

I’m not so sure anymore that I have anything left to say. There was a time when I could argue with great confidence. I’m not sure if I can do that now.

Surely it’s got something to do with the fact that I’m in my late forties.

Then I wondered about previous decades. Given that 1998 – my late twenties – was a year of major upheaval in my life, one might have expected to see more writing from that time. I didn’t write much. The year when I turned 37 – 2008, produced a few pieces, but nothing compared to, for example, 2001 or 2003 and 2004. Will 2018 continue this pattern?

I also thought earlier today that this story of being uncertain about the value of what I write is nonsense. “Be prepared to be wrong!” I reminded myself.

A few minutes later, however, I started doubting whether this was such a good approach.

MONDAY, 19 MARCH 2018

If the choice is between DELUSION and DYING LIKE A WORM, I choose DELUSION.

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What you get when you go to the beach one weekend

MONDAY, 5 MARCH 2018

16:21

I said to [N.] a few days ago, if we make enough from English teaching to put some money away, we teach too many classes. We will never save enough money for retirement by teaching English classes at NT$620 [about USD20] per hour – and that on a part-time schedule over which we have no control.

We simply must spend more time on projects or investments with which we hope to replace our current income in the future – and hopefully to double and possibly triple it. Even if an enterprise only has a 50/50 chance, we must take that chance. More so if it involves the development of skills we currently don’t have but that we can use in the future.

17:46

I am almost 47. [N.] is almost 40. If we think we can rely on our income from the English classes we teach, we live in a fantasy world. Every now and then we are ripped out of this fantasy – like today, when I was informed that there is a delay in the issuance of my work permit and that someone else will have to teach my classes for the next few days. But, soon enough, we are lulled into comfort again by the relative ease of making money with English teaching.

Fact is, we can’t count on it! And this applies equally to any of our friends who also earn their bread and butter here in Taiwan as English teachers! Unless you have a permanent position, with a pension plan and three weeks of paid leave every year, and paid public holidays, you’re simply asking to be cruelly disillusioned if you think everything is hunky-dory!

Of course, I’ve been saying these things for almost as long as I’ve been in Taiwan. And I’ve spent so much life energy and time and money trying to earn money in ways other than teaching, I’d rather not think about it to save myself the emotional discomfort.

Every now and then, the possibility comes up to accept another class, another evening you could otherwise spend working on other projects that will have to be sacrificed to earn NT$600 or NT$900. Here’s what you should ask yourself: Can I not pay my rent? Is this why I have to take the extra class? Do I not have enough to eat? Are my clothes peeling off my body and I need the extra cash to buy myself a pair of jeans at Costco? If you answer “No” to all these questions, if you answer that you just think it would be good to get an extra NT$X or NT$Y per month, I suggest you go to the beach one weekend, sit down on the sand, and stare at the horizon for a couple of hours. Because it is clear that you have not thought enough about your life and the consequences of the way you’re living it.

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Because money is god

SATURDAY, 3 MARCH 2018

Money is Boss. Money is King. Money – let’s be honest about it – is God. People devote their lives to it. People die for it, and people kill for it.

If I could have my way, I would organise my life in such a way that I don’t need much money, and therefore don’t need to make much money. But because I understand the pressures of modern civilisation, I’m also trying to add to my little bundle of cash as often as possible. In fact, I have been trying for a very long time to make a lot more money than I really need, so that I can assist my parents in their old age, amongst other things.

For various reasons I haven’t been terribly successful yet. I make enough money to survive, but not much more. So I needed to set my life up in such a way that I can survive with less. I can thus say that I lead a good life and that I’m relatively happy because I learned to live a good life and to be happy with what I have – which is not very much, materialistically speaking.

Unfortunately, money is God. Your elderly parents cannot be helped with your ideas about a simple life. Your elderly parents cannot buy food with your creative skills. Your elderly parents’ medical plan cannot be paid with your poems or your notes about human existence. Only cash is good enough. When the bill arrives and you can’t pull enough cash from your closet, from under your mattress, from under your pillow, out of your desk, out of your shoe, out of your pocket or wallet, or from the bank, you can just as well go to hell. Because money is God.

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