Measures for survival – voices that fear

FRIDAY, 1 OCTOBER 2004

Dental floss and other measures for survival

Last night I bought toothpicks, new razor blades, dental floss and some cotton buds. This morning I had breakfast, and then later at the morning market bought carrots, apples, something for lunch, and two 500 millilitre cups of green tea. Then I went to fetch fresh water, filled my two bottles when I got home, and put them in the fridge.

What does all of this mean? What value does it have on the Greater Landscape of My Life? All these things – the dental floss, the carrots, the water, and all the other things – are measures that are conducive to survival. All of this suggests that I have again so far today, on this Friday, October 1st 2004, not yet decided to “let things go”.

SUNDAY, 10 OCTOBER 2004

The voices that fear

The primary objective of the organism that is the human being is to return to a state of complete relaxation. At some point in a person’s life, he begins to associate this condition with death – either on a conscious or unconscious level.

The problem is that people also fear disappearing into nothingness. Why? Probably because we associate nothingness with futility and worthlessness. The thought of nothingness may even spring from uncertainty about the purpose and the value of one’s life.

So, since I am sitting here thinking about these things, I ask myself: Do I fear disappearing into the nothingness?

I am tempted to say no and let the matter rest. But somewhere in my head a thought kicks in. “Are you crazy?!” I hear a voice yell. “Of course we fear the nothingness!”

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Argument of the casual drug user

SATURDAY, 9 OCTOBER 2004

“I am bored, so I need to escape from my boring life by injecting myself with a chemical concoction, or by sniffing or smoking some or other substance. This will induce an alternative consciousness which will make me forget my boring life.

This is not a healthy pursuit. It is also a very expensive and unsustainable way to deal with my boredom. But instead of dealing with it in a healthier, more sustainable and less expensive way, I choose the way that, if I don’t take severe precautions, will make me a slave to the measures I employ to make my boring life bearable.

Fortunately I have learned that using drugs is seen in popular culture as exciting, and people engaging in this kind of activity as fun people to hang around with.

I have also learned that people who frown upon this idiotic, unsustainable, ludicrously expensive way of dealing with one’s own lack of imagination and subsequent boredom are, in actual fact, boring.

I am so relieved that my so-called friends – all fun people, of course! – taught me all these useful pieces of nonsense. I really wouldn’t know how to justify being a casual drug user in any other way – and it is casual, because calling it habitual would just be inaccurate. I mean, I’m not that stupid!”

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The principle of need

FRIDAY, 8 OCTOBER 2004

A hungry man sits down at a table laden with the most delicious foods. There is a bit of everything: pizza, pasta, bread and cheese, salads, cold cuts, chicken pie, barbecued meat, desserts, pie, cake, junk food, healthy food …

The hungry man digs in, and he eats without taking a break for more than an hour. There is no way that he can consume all the food, so by the time he sits back, more than three-quarters of the table is still covered with plates, pots and pans full of food.

As the previously hungry man gets ready to leave the table, in walks another hungry man, which, for the sake of the point I want to make, is not allowed to sit down at the table. “How can you walk away from a table with so much good food?” asks the hungry man. “There’s so much food that you haven’t even touched!”

“I understand your distress,” says the man as he gently caresses his stomach. “But,” he sighs, “I’m full. My needs, which previously were exactly the same as yours, are now satisfied.”

Now, you can criticise the happy man, perhaps pointing out that he satisfied his appetite by just gobbling down the pizza and the junk food. But the man will still shrug and reply, “What can I say? I have had enough. I am satisfied.”

Will he stay satisfied? Most likely not, but that’s another story.

Point is this: if a need is no longer a need, it does not really matter what any prophet, poet, scholar or professional academic has to say about it, because the need … will simply no longer be a need.

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About monkeys and (so-called) originality

THURSDAY, 7 OCTOBER 2004

You are born with more or less no identity, except for maybe a name. Within a few months, or maybe a year or three, you start to emulate the behaviour and language of other people in your immediate environment – a simple case of monkey see, monkey do. As you get older, this emulation becomes intertwined with other measures – relevant to particular time and place – to ensure your personal safety.

When a person moves away far enough from what others imitate and regard as good enough for themselves, it happens that the label of “original” is hung around their necks. This label is of course never completely accurate, because even the so-called “original” gets their ideas from somewhere, dressed in a language that they did not invent.

The point here is degree. Some people emulate so slavishly that one can hardly detect a difference between the one who is being emulated and the monkey itself. And then of course, it is possible that even the model is a clone of someone else, who also initially slavishly emulated someone else, who, somewhere in the distant past, did something different to a significant degree from what others at that time and in that place had emulated as Models of Functional Adulthood.

Am I saying people are mechanised flesh-creatures programmed by the sometimes subtle and sometimes explicit instructions from others in the area? Hmm … not exactly. Just because I am wearing jeans doesn’t mean I call myself “Elvis”. Just because the neighbour teases her hair is not to say she knows who Dolly Parton is. My point is rather that someone – who for want of a better word we can call an “original” – decided one wonderful day to, for instance, get into the traditional workers attire of denim pants to go shopping or to go on any outing other than to the nearest factory, and the world was never the same again.

The New Human – toddler, teen or young adult – looks at others in the area for clues on how to act, what to wear, what to say when, and what sounds should be produced to achieve certain results. This is a natural process. Even that first rebel who decided to make an appearance in a pair of denims in an area other than where his hands would get dirty acted after other steps had first been taken – denim clothing had already been designed and manufactured long before that day. His adaptation of this phenomenon, on the other hand, was relatively original (that is to say, if such a mythological First Denim Rebel ever really existed).

A few other examples can be mentioned with which most readers will be familiar: the vocabulary and expressions that people use to bring themselves into other people’s favour; the ways in which arms are swung about on a dance floor; the type of automobile people purchase; the labour that people choose to offer to generate an income; the jewellery that people buy to hang from their limbs; the beliefs that people hold about religion, politics, and what a person should do with his or her life.

Is it important to not do what the proverbial everyone is doing? To not look and sound like most of your peers? To not do with your life what most of the people you know are doing with their lives? My answers to these questions are intimately intertwined with my own view of things, with my background, my own insecurities and fears, and my view of a significant percentage of my peers.

I believe there are three possibilities: 1) to follow slavishly what is prescribed by your environment for the sake of acceptance by a specific community; by forming Who You Are around the anvil of what is presented to you as the norm of time, place and community; 2) to look at what is presented to you as the norm of time, place and community, to accept some of these things and to reject others in a CRITICAL AND CREATIVE PROCESS, and to then appear to the community as a distinctive version of what is generally acceptable, and to function as such; and 3) to look for examples and clues beyond your immediate time, environment and community, and to define a model of appearance and functioning that differs to such an extent from what was originally presented to you, that you and your life will be seen as a primary example that others will consider in their search for clues and answers to questions that, shall we admit, keep everyone awake at one time or another.

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Hierarchy of relationships

SUNDAY, 3 OCTOBER 2004

02:34

There is a hierarchy of relationships: At the top you have the soul mate. Then you get the life partner, then the companion. And then, even if someone is not your soul mate, even if you don’t even have enough in common to be companions, and then definitely not enough to be life partners, you can still have a functioning relationship as lovers.

It is also true that your soul mate can also be your life partner, your companion and your lover. Also that your companion might be your lover, but not your life partner or your soul mate. And it is also possible that your soul mate isn’t someone with whom you will ever have an intimate relationship. Your soul mate might be a friend. It may also be that a man finds his soul mate in a woman who is married to another man, who loves her husband, and is committed to her marriage.

By the way, what is a soul mate? And what is the role of a life partner … and a companion … and a lover?

11:48

There is this idea that you necessarily have to be sexually attracted to your soul mate. Why? The expected process runs as follows: a man and a woman meet (to name one example on the sexual spectrum); they are sexually attracted to each other; they find their soul mates in each other; they become life partners; they seal their relationship in a marriage, and they live happily to the end of their respected earthly existences.

But what if you have already found your soul mate in someone of the same gender as you, but neither you nor the other person is homosexual? Or what about if you find your soul mate in someone of the opposite sex, but you are not sexually attracted to that person? Do you keep looking until you find a soul mate in someone of the right gender to whom you are sexually attracted? That’s ridiculous! Are you going to live a lonely, sexless existence until you’ve found this person? It’s completely unnecessary! And it serves no purpose!

It is absurd to set such high requirements of someone you want to date, and it is ridiculous to expect that your soul mate should necessarily be an attractive, single man or woman with whom you’d like to go out on a date.

Last question: Can you love someone if he or she is just your lover, and not your soul mate? Answer: Of course.

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