Tired, but can’t stop the next transformation

THURSDAY, 1 JUNE 2006

17:23

I feel tired, my head hurts, my body aches, and I’ve had it with the fact that being broke has become a defining feature of the life of “Brand Smit”. I work hard. I work damn hard. I work day and night, weekday and weekend. I work harder than most people I know, but I have less money than just about everybody I know.

It’s also not a case of going about it the wrong way. My preference of projects is … where the trouble comes in. I prefer big, fantastically ambitious projects, which when they are finished and the proverbial green button is pressed will bring about life-changing results.

But until then – my body and my head simply have to take the punishment, and I just have to get over worrying about where I’m going to get NT$7,500 before the twentieth of this month.

WEDNESDAY, 7 JUNE 2006

10:22

It is impossible to be 100% “pure of heart” in this world. Or rather, the only way to fully remain pure is to completely withdraw from the world. (What I mean by “pure” is for a person to avoid any action that could cause harm to another person or any animal.)

To withdraw, of course, is a selfish action that does not hold any possibility of assistance to any human or animal in need.

To be involved in this world, or to be active in this world, will inevitably sometimes lead to decisions being taken and actions being followed which will cause harm, directly or indirectly, to people, animals or the environment. But your presence in this world, or your involvement with the world, could also be a vital counterweight to much greater damage someone else is causing.

How should we approach this reality?

TUESDAY, 13 JUNE 2006

18:46

I am tired, but I am not just tired of the computer work, I am tired of my couch. I am tired of my bed, my towels, my bathroom and my washing machine. It feels as if I am draining myself in preparation for my next transformation: the emergence of a man who lives a more tranquil life, who reads more and go out more often, who gets more sleep and who doesn’t work more than eight hours per day.

Thing is, I have big plans for this man I am going to be one day. And to realize these plans, I simply have to push myself a little bit harder.

21:20

Outstanding features that had defined your life at stage X but that have “expired” by stage Y, and features that define your life in stage Y that did not play any role whatsoever at stage X. This implies that at some or other stage you slowly ceased to be X, and started becoming Y.

Thus: stop, and start becoming.

21:23

Certainly there are many people who have never been aware of this process. The intellectually enlightened person is not only aware of this process, they can be deliberate about it.

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