One alternative to stepping in front of a train

MONDAY, 16 MARCH 2015

In your bleaker moments you often think things that are a bit rough. Then, when you feel better, you realise how many of those things are actually true.

In my case: In the first place, I will never be mistaken for a Viking warrior. Can I protect myself or my loved ones in a moment of danger? I don’t know. Secondly, I am almost 44 years old, and although I have no debt, I also don’t make much money with my few part-time jobs. Third place, I don’t have children, and will probably never have children. Four: I recently responded positively 23 times to a list of 27 questions to determine if I qualify as a Highly Sensitive Person – which among other things means that I am more prone to physical pain, and can even be affected emotionally by a loud noise. (None of the questions were about fear of heights, but I could have added that as well.) Point five: My parents and my sisters think I am a lost cause who was fortunate to meet a good woman. Six: I struggle for years to make money with a variety of projects … and the struggle continues still.

What to do? What are my options?

One is suicide. Get it over and done with. Make room for someone else, perhaps someone better.

Another possibility is to work really hard and to turn one view of you after another on its head and force people to eat their words and their opinions. Sounds nice. Could work.

Yet another possibility is to pretend that not all the bad things about you are true, that you’re not that much of a loser. While you deliberately ignore some things that are true about you, you continue your efforts to improve those things that are in your power to improve.

Difficult to pretend, you might say. Not easy to ignore what many people think or say about you, someone might add.

Think about it this way: one alternative is to step in front of a train.

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