WEDNESDAY 5 JANUARY 2005
Intimate love, and the warm body of another person is not a panacea for all pain, disappointments, and the unbearable boredom that is sometimes part of our daily existence. It can however not be denied that it enables millions of people to endure pain, disappointments and boredom on a daily basis. Is also true that if these things are endured, we don’t always do anything to improve what needs to be improved … which brings us back to the positive aspects of celibacy and being on your own … The point, however, that I wanted to make is about the benefits and value of being with someone else.
I am full of enthusiasm for this year. Why? Because I am alive … and I know no one makes it out in one piece, but until then I am alive. And that means I can apply every day of my life, every hour, every week and month, and also my hands, my feet, my brain, my eyes and my ears to something, to projects, to things I will be able to look back at and say, “That’s good.”
And as for the inevitably less positive? Well, life is a struggle, and as long as you keep standing, you’re not falling down.
Can the core of a person’s personality be changed?
I believe not, because it is to a large extent a given genetic disposition. It also depends on how change is defined. I believe the essence of a particular personality can be modified, and that it can be applied in certain ways according to will and choice. But whether or not the core can be changed, that is another question.
[According to Mental Health and Illness, “some facets of our personality are inherited”.]
[What do I mean by “core”? In what way is the core separate from the “rest” of the personality? Is there even something like a core of a particular personality, or are there simply aspects? Or are there more dominant aspects of a personality that can arguably be treated as the core?]
THURSDAY 6 JANUARY 2005
Every person is aware of him- or herself.
The question is, is this consciousness good? If not, why not?
Does your current consciousness have to do with given birth data, or with appearing in a particular place? If the former, what can be changed? If the latter, what can be changed? Also, do you absolutely have to appear in that particular place?
The point is to develop a personal vocabulary that defines your existence, that defines who you are and what you are doing with your life. A large part of my writing over the past few years has been about exactly that: building up a particular vocabulary.