Sunday, 8 March 1998
I cannot bear the idea of losing – not when I expected to win. I get obsessed about winning, about reaching my expected point of success. If I fail to realise this expectation, nothing makes sense to me and my world starts crumbling: “How is it possible that I didn’t win?!”
I must learn to be satisfied with less, and to set lower expectations for myself.
In Ten Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead the main character talks about compiling a list of ten things you’d like to do. According to him, you’d never be so lucky as to do all ten, but if you do five or six of them, you’d have done well for yourself.
That’s crap. If I have to compile such a list, I would expect to do all ten. Nine out of ten would mean that I failed.
How do I go about changing this destructive attitude? Because that’s what it is – self-destructive!