New developments in the Civilisation of BRAND

THURSDAY, 9 FEBRUARY 2006

“Many people look at the Internet as the last ‘gold rush’ or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The Internet is no different than any offline store, business, or job if you are looking to make a full-time income from it. It’s not the lottery; it’s business and it takes WORK. Money is not going to magically drop into your lap or arrive in your mailbox – it has to be earned online just like it does offline – by putting in the time doing the necessary work and continuing to put in the time working and growing your ‘home business’ to a consistent level of income. Yes, I said ‘home business’, because that’s what it is – a job you do from home. It’s YOUR business and requires some discipline and commitment to make it grow. The rewards are huge, however …” ~ From an interview with Deborah Casey [the original article has long disappeared from the Internet]

Exactly a month ago, on Monday, 9 January 2006 I was enthusiastically cutting-and-pasting text into a document entitled, “Guidelines for Unpublished Writers”. I had already been busy for almost two months working on the English translation of “Personal Agenda”, and I thought it was time to gather some information about literary agents and publishers in Britain and the United States. Shortly after the compilation of the comprehensive sixty-page document, which includes the names of about a hundred agents, I thought: If the conventional process does not produce any results … then I’m doing it on my own.

A week or so later came a great discovery: a copy shop where you can have books neatly printed and bound – here in Fengshan! Not a day later I had a copy of my collection of poetry printed and bound, and I was very excited about the possibilities, despite initial trepidation, of producing, marketing and distributing copies of my literary projects on my own. Creative independence, and perhaps a small profit, I reckoned.

Three weeks ago Natasja said something about Turkey, and we talked about the possibility of going there to teach English. My Internet connection had been very erratic at that point, so I couldn’t immediately search for information on the subject. By Thursday, 26 January I had had the problem fixed, and that night I started with what I thought would be a quick research session. English teaching in Turkey morphed within minutes into job opportunities in Hong Kong – which I, and the next day also Natasja, perused with great interest.

One of the Hong Kong websites brought something to my attention that I had also taken note of a year or so ago: books in digital format, or e-books.

“E-books that sell for as much as $12!” I exclaimed minutes later in the kitchen (as if someone other than me was standing there waiting for the announcement). Benefits of e-books include cheap production, first and final creative say, no shipping costs, and because I was already busy translating material into English, an international market.

As I was busy researching e-book formats, two other pieces of data entered my brain: the first is a global online payment system called PayPal; the second piece of information is the possibility that I can manage my own Internet bookstore where I can promote books of my choice, which are then sold and shipped through the larger online bookstores. “I can receive payments over the Internet, by credit card?” I thought, and as an afterthought, “and other sources of income on the Internet?”

By 27 January, I had compiled a new document with text sorted alphabetically under guidelines for unpublished writers, this time more simply titled: eBooks.

So it has come that for the past two weeks I have started and ended my days with thoughts of large sums of profit that I can make with the international sales of my own material. Yesterday morning I got up with the idea – no wait, I had already fallen asleep with the thought on Tuesday night – of “Imagine I sell something like 37,000 copies of the entire project (I like the number “3”, and I like the number “7”, and thousands are a lot, so the number made sense). Since I am going on vacation in less than two months, I also entertained myself – this was roughly lunchtime yesterday – with the idea of how nice it would be if I could make some extra pocket money with a modest little project before my vacation. Reckoning that I shouldn’t lose my momentum with research on alternative sources of income, I clicked the fat “E” on my taskbar, and after reflecting a bit on exactly what I wanted to explore, I typed in the words, “marketing ebooks online”.

What should only have been a break from the translation work at lunch time became an almost feverish session at the computer which lasted until shortly after midnight. One click led to another, which led to the next, which led … to more than one throbbing headache. “The possibilities!” is what dozens of thoughts and conversations with myself came down to. Every now and then I shuffled over to my notebook to jot down cryptic notes on “new developments”, and on how to make sense of the implications, should it ever manifest in actual US dollars, and New Taiwan dollars in my local bank account. By the end of the day I was subscribed to more than a few newsletters, I had opened an account at [a payment system which has since bitten the dust] as well as a premium account with PayPal. Money could now roll in … in theory, at least.

“You know they are everywhere. You see them on job sites, on message boards, and even offline! It’s a work from home scam I’m talking about. Scams are EVERYWHERE and they get the best of us,” said Pamela La Gioia of mommysplace.net. Two days later the dust had settled after I had visited dozens of sites and had possibly viewed quite a number of scams with eyes that were getting redder by the minute.

Initial excitement – and enough of it to give me a headache! – had by now given way to a soberer view of the possibilities.

As far as I could tell there are basically three types of opportunities with which one could make money on the Internet: 1) the type where a salesperson talks of systems and programs that could potentially earn hundreds of thousands of dollars each month – in ways anyone can master if you’re willing to pay $97 for the necessary material; 2) the type where you put in two or three hours of work every day, where the work is not terribly exciting, where you have to deal with what is indeed a job in a professional way, and where if you are disciplined and you put in your two or three hours every day you can make as much as two or three thousand dollars per month; and 3) the original idea that put me on the track of all these possibilities, namely e-books – and not only my noble literary type but short so-called info-booklets with helpful information that apparently thousands of people are willing to spend money on to get hold of.

One question that many people might want to ask before sitting back as if they had burst my bubble: If these opportunities are such good ideas, why do millions of people not quit their jobs at companies and schools and businesses where they work to make millions on the Internet?

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No one next to you, no one in front of you, yet you keep talking

SUNDAY, 5 FEBRUARY 2006

A theological implication of evolution: If creatures, including human beings evolve, to increase their chances of survival, is it not true that we are our own creators? One example: According to my Concise Encyclopedia: “Merychippus [an extinct proto-horse that was endemic to North America during the Miocene period, 5 to 23 million years ago] […] developed longer limbs to escape from predators.”

By the way, there are 4,000 different species of simple single cell organisms such as bacteria; 50,000 complex single cell organisms such as amoebas; 100,000 species of fungi such as mushrooms; 400,000 species of plants; and 2 million species of animals.

TUESDAY, 7 FEBRUARY 2006

14:25

What is my writing about? At first glance it appears to be nothing more than questions that one man asks about his own life to give it more meaning and value – with answers that seem to be applicable only to him. However, I believe if everyone – or at least more people than are currently the case – ask the same or similar questions about their own lives, the world would be a better place. I believe there would be less suffering, and that people would live more fulfilling, and more productive lives.

[14/10/2015: Difficult to determine how many people do ask themselves the questions to which I refer. It also wouldn’t help if you asked yourself some important questions and you come up with answers that make sense for you, but they ultimately cause more suffering to other people.]

16:50

I was wondering why I was so much more convinced of who I was, and about my role and value and place in the world in July 2004 than I am right now. I think the reason is definition of success. In July 2004 I defined success as the ability to live a certain life, and to do a particular kind of work. In 2004 I was able to live that life, and to do the kind of work I had wanted to do.

For the past year or so success has (understandably) once again been measured in financial terms. “When my projects are finally completed …” and “When I have more money in the bank …” have become hackneyed phrases. Then comes a time when my mood is a bit off, and I am forced to face the facts: 34, produce a lot of text, publish nothing; number of EFL projects of which only a few copies of one book have been sold; dream of other places, new furniture, more money… and in the meantime I keep on hacking away.

Maybe a little unfair, but at least I know where it comes from.

Perhaps this is then a good time to ask: How do I define success today, 7 February 2006?

Success, to me, would be to bring about a life where I can spend the hours that make up each day as I see fit. And, unfortunately, financial success is a vital part of that life.

THURSDAY, 9 FEBRUARY 2006

09:51

Frightening new possibilities – maybe I should get in touch with old feelings brought on by the hot sun and poverty and shame to put things into perspective.

Another thing: the root of many evils is not money, but low self-esteem, uncertainty about who you are, and uncertainty about your place in this world.

18:28

Seven-year-old Judy of “talking to the eraser” fame walked up to my desk late this afternoon and as if to inform me of something I urgently needed to know, said: “Zìyán zìyǔ.”

I didn’t quite get what she was talking about. She then explained it in simple Mandarin, gesturing for emphasis: “No one next to you, no one in front of you, and yet you are having a conversation.”

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A new issue: What am I going to write about now?

SATURDAY, 21 JANUARY 2006

13:11

I am getting bored with my methodology of the past few years: go through the steps of a relatively normal day, observe people and happenings around me, think, make notes, think some more, chat with someone, read something, smoke a cigarette, think again, make more notes …

15:57

Where am I going with my writing?

An intellectual buddha I will never become, and no matter how long I wonder about it, or how many essays I write, the Complete Truth I will never know or understand.

So the question is, where to now?

SUNDAY, 22 JANUARY 2006

For years I have written about exile, identity, roles you can play, purpose in life you can pursue, place in the world, and self-development and self-respect – especially if you are on your own. The exile issue in my life was to a large extent resolved with the “hatchet” notes. My identity, role and purpose, and place in the world have also to a large extent been sorted and defined. And since last year I am not alone anymore.

For the past twelve to eighteen months I have, to a large extent (apologies for the repeated use of the phrase), focused my attention on a vague search for Absolute Truth. This, as I wrote last night, is too big, for me, in my current life.

That means for the first time in years I am presented with a new issue: What am I going to write about now?

SUNDAY, 29 JANUARY 2006

If knowledge can be described as a walled city, then I am but a peasant working the fields around it. And if the Ultimate Truth Concerning All Things can be compared to the layout of the walled city’s intricate streets and the innermost secrets of her splendid and distinguished citizens, then my thoughts are but mutterings to myself about the size of the outer gate, and the depth of the moat surrounding the walls.

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The realisation and development of true love

FRIDAY, 6 JANUARY 2006

Realisation strikes: You become aware of the power and the choice to be good to someone, to do something that would make that person’s experience of reality better, something that may even give that person’s life a more beautiful quality. And it provides you with a particular satisfaction to turn that choice, that potential, into reality.

SUNDAY, 22 JANUARY 2006

A large part of what is called “love” in an intimate relationship is an intense compassion the two people have for one another, which in turn stems from a perception, after repeated and continuous contact in a wide range of situations, of the “other one” as one like me, in the most significant philosophical and psychological way possible.

The compassion aspect of “love” is deeply rooted. Once this attitude towards a particular person takes root, it can last a lifetime. It is much, much stronger than mere feeling – which can vary from day to day, and according to mood and circumstance.

Choice – an expression of free will and an expression of how you see yourself, how you define yourself and how you wish to be seen by others – plays a greater role in the compassion aspect of love than in the excitement of romantic euphoria.

The more compassion there is in an intimate relationship, the more accurately the relationship can be described as one where “true love” is the order of the day – or a relationship where “true love” acts as the ruling agent. If an intimate relationship is primarily characterised by romantic euphoria, with the much more significant and substantial compassion aspect mostly absent, or where the relationship is regularly jeopardised by actions and behaviour that fluctuate according to feeling, it would be more accurate to say that “true love” is indeed not the governing agent in a particular relationship.

True love can ultimately only develop in an intimate relationship if the respective characters of the two parties permit it – character which stems from the development of your person, self-knowledge and a healthy degree of self-esteem.

SATURDAY, 28 JANUARY 2006

The ability to love precedes any significant relationship. It is of course a common occurrence for a relationship between two people to be conducive for this ability to love to be activated. It is also true that some relationships prove over the course of some time to simply not be conducive to activating this ability.

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A shameful, embarrassing approach to life

THURSDAY, 26 JANUARY 2006

20:13

Fear of embarrassment: the large, hidden cause for a certain approach to life I have never been able to shake. I have always thought if you reach your dying moment, and five minutes earlier you were still jumping around laughing in joy that you were still alive, how embarrassed you would feel in that final moment before you breathe your last breath. Imagine how silly, how stupid you would feel! Almost as if you’d like to say to the Angel of Death, “I am sorry I was so frivolous just five minutes ago … if I had known … and I should have known! If I had considered the possibility at that moment that I could be uttering my final words in five minutes’ time … I would have been so much more solemn and sincere! I wouldn’t have made jokes or listened to such upbeat music! In fact, I disrespected Death by being so frivolous! Now look at me! I feel so terribly ashamed!”

So then you are serious all the time. Or if not all the time, you make sure you think about death often enough, and about terrible things that can happen, and about all the situations that could bring you trouble if you are not careful, so that when you do get into a difficult spot, or worse, if you’re staring Death in the face, at least you don’t have to be embarrassed. So that no one, least of all yourself, can say at that final moment, “Yes, and to think you were having such a good laugh just moments ago!” Or, “Just the other day you were so happy. How silly you look now!”

Fear of embarrassment – how many carefree days, how much happiness do I not sacrifice on the altar of this fear?

* * *

What is fear of embarrassment? What is shame? Is it not to be exposed for what you are – naked, small, vulnerable, frightened, and at the end, mortal, like a plant or an insect? This despite our best efforts to make ourselves appear better and more sophisticated than plants or insects or other animals.

“Are we not more important than plants or insects?” you might ask.

Of course we are, many would argue. But at what point does More Important Than A Plant Or An Insect become our demise? At what point do pride and self-love become the causes of our fear to be exposed?

In the end: What are we? What is our real value? How is it measured? And is one last moment of shameless recognition of our mortality worth the effort to avoid a careless moment of being slightly too joyous?

20:43

As if you will fall even further when Death and Misfortune hit you while you tried to worry a little less and be a little happier, and every so often succeeded.

But keep struggling, stay poor, keep wallowing in the dirt … at least you won’t have far to fall.

And dream! Yes, dream of lots of money and happy times and doing whatever you want! Dreams are cheap! Just make sure you never go so far as to work hard enough to turn your dreams into reality. Because once you have a lot of money, once you see how nice it is … that days go by that you don’t worry about a thing, when you can travel and visit interesting places and spend time with family and do things you enjoy … you’ll climb higher and higher … and you’ll have so much further to fall.

Twenty years ago I would have thought God would look at me with anger in his eyes if I aim to climb too high. Now it is Death and Misfortune. And you have to respect them. “Stay low,” you tell yourself. “Struggle. Keep dreaming, though. It doesn’t matter after all …”

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