THURSDAY, 19 NOVEMBER 2015
As I am working on material I wrote in 2005 I realise that eventually I am going to be finished with 25 years’ worth of notes – typed, edited, translated and published.
Twenty-one years ago I was 23 years old, at the beginning of my adult life; I am in my mid-forties now, halfway to being elderly. I can imagine what someone would think if they followed the notes all the way from ‘94 until the most recent notes from this week. I wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled up their shoulders and asked: “That’s it?”
I am aware of the fact that there has not been much adventure in my life. (Or has there been, and I just dismiss it? I have after all lived in three different countries since 1994.) I did meet someone and started a life with her, but happiness does not necessarily make for good literature. And except for my failures to make more money over the past ten years, there haven’t been many great challenges I have had to overcome.
Is this a call to action? Should I do something to make my writing more interesting? I mean, if I have been writing fiction I could have gotten away with a dull life. Or if I have been writing about topics other than my own life …
WEDNESDAY, 9 DECEMBER 2015
To undertake a month-long trip through Asia to end up in a museum or a palace in France would give the life I have already established more colour, and a few unforgettable memories – there can be no doubt about that.
But I am also regularly reminded that people chase after adventure because adventure is part of their ideal life. This note is the most recent manifestation of the fact that I have pursued my ideal life, my dream, and that I have managed to fulfil that dream to a significant extent.
* * *
On Saturday, 19 September 2015, I wrote the following:
Two views of my life of the past 20 years:
1. I pursued a creative life and made sacrifices in the process.
2. I did not make enough sacrifices to pursue a creative life.