Nineteen months, four words, commitment and wilderness

Friday, 6 February 1998

Knowledge, skills, self-confidence, daring. I have discovered the real meaning of these four words in Korea in the past 19 months.

Monday, 9 February 1998

My fear, or wariness, of commitment is the result of my fear of failure.*

“To what should I commit myself?” is the question that keeps haunting me because I cannot, I simply cannot commit myself to the bourgeois materialist world. I associate it with too much failure. And the risks are too high.

What’s left? There is nobody – important to me, in any case – in whose footsteps I can follow. It’s unknown territory. It’s wilderness.

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* Another insight from a movie – The Butcher’s Wife this time. I had already started dozing off when the one character suddenly expressed this thought.

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