TUESDAY, 12 JULY 2005
14:10
What is an integrated view of existence?
For me it brings together Freud and Christ, society and blood cells, humans and animals and trees, past, present and future. It brings together what is going on in the human psyche, what takes place between two individuals in different situations, and how one community exists in harmony with another. It brings together science, chemistry, psychology, religion, philosophy, history, anthropology, sociology and biology.
It enables you to look at yourself, at everything around you, at things that are happening in other places and that have happened at other times according to credible sources, and to other people who have experiences of reality similar to your experience or who have totally different experiences, and then to state that “things” make sense – or at least that they make sense in such a way that you can function at the time and in the environment in which you find yourself.
17:41
This morning I had a strong feeling that something was broken or something that had previously worked was not working anymore. I gave it some consideration, since it sounded like a serious matter.
After a few minutes I reckoned, Freud talked about the human quest for constant energy levels; I could definitely say that my internal stability had been disturbed the past three weeks. There was the absence of the person whose intimate presence I have become accustomed to in recent months. There was the pain and discomfort during the last two weeks in my face – uncomfortably close to a person’s central point of consciousness, and therefore difficult to ignore. Finally, there was my computer – my primary instrument of expression, the most important instrument in the realisation of literary projects and other commercial projects, and generally my refuge at times when TV, movies or people cannot ease my mind. All these things had a definite impact on my energy levels and my general consciousness.
Something that is broken? Something that doesn’t work anymore? I should consider the above before I start taking anything apart.
20:18
Knowledge brings peace, and undermines irrational anxiety. If for example I could know that everything will work out over the next few months – writing projects, commercial projects, my relationship with [N.], money, schedules, vacation, family, and so on, would I have been calmer?
Speaking of knowledge: What would I say if I had to get access to verifiable, indisputable evidence that there is a “spiritual” dimension – and that this dimension is filled with both good and bad “spirits” (or entities), and what you do with your life in the “earthly” dimension will have an effect on which side of the line you will end up after exhaling your last breath? That the Christian concept of “heaven” and “hell” is a simplistic version of what happens to your “spirit”. That it is indeed a complex process of purification, possibly even rebirth, learning lessons, making choices, being receptive to indicators that will enable you to continue on your spiritual journey. That stuff happens for a reason. That some people come your way, or are “guided” by complex manipulation by good “spirits” to assist you – or even a case of mutually beneficial influence in something like a relationship, but also that there is no central figure who pulls strings and comes to one person’s rescue in an accident yet allows another person to be violently murdered. What would I say, or what would be my position, if I could know that this is the truth?
______________________