MONDAY, 21 MARCH 2005
To be broke, in a new relationship, and to have a serious need for an electric kettle.
Again, boredom leads to dejection because you feel worthless at that specific moment – or then because you experience the dramatic loss or dramatic reduction of the value of your life at given moments. Do something about it! Fight boredom!
To be broke (once again) feels like I am still stuck in the clutches of the most powerful force that has made me what I am today. It is one of those experiences that test you, that test your credibility, that give you certainty about whether or not what you say (or write) and what is in fact your life on a daily basis is still authentic and real.
Nevertheless, I hope this is the last time in my life that I have a cash flow problem. I mean, it certainly unleashes some inspiration, but the frustration is very real.
TUESDAY, 22 MARCH 2005
If I were so happy and satisfied with my own company as I always arrogantly maintain then I would be happy and satisfied with my own company when I take short trips. Quite a number of experiences over the years tell a different story.
It can thus be said that I am happy and satisfied with my own company within a particular environment; that is, an environment where I do not need to make any significant appearances, but especially where I can creatively express what I think and feel.
[I do not feel lonely when I am alone, but when I have to appear – then I need a companion, someone to talk to with whom I can share the experience.]
THURSDAY, 24 MARCH 2005
The POINT: you have to buy your own time! You have to basically redeem your own life from the struggle for basic survival and all the unfree appearances it forces on you, or requires from you!