An old pickup truck with no identity stuck in a ditch full of quicksand

MONDAY, 1 JUNE 2009

A few years ago, I said how you earn an income is not who you are, it is merely how you make money.

In fact, how you choose to earn an income requires so many choices – if you are lucky, I should add – from so many possibilities that you eventually choose something either because you reckon you would have an easier time making money with it than with something else, or because you know who you are and what you want to do with your life.

What you ultimately choose as a career or how you choose to earn a living is for many people a concrete manifestation of identity – of how they see themselves, how they want to be seen, and of how they choose to spend their days and nights, or a significant block of hours each day.

WEDNESDAY, 3 JUNE 2009

13:21

For me, the attraction of betting and trading lies in the fact that no identity or appearance is required, only commitment to the minimum of routines, and a predilection for statistics, patterns, and strategies.

14:10

It is as if I have forgotten since 2006 who and what I am and what my life is about with all this obsession with making money.

“Money is important,” I wrote at one point. When do you lose your soul? is what I ask now.

16:58

Someone without identity is dead to the world.

Want to appear, must have identity.

Who are you? What are you? What is your purpose? What is your function? What are your goals?

21:34

The thought occurs to me that I would do better managing money than making money. Problem is, I do not have money to manage, so I would have to focus on first accumulating enough money. For this, I reckon, one needs identity – or then, public identity: “Hi, how are you? My name is X” type of identity.

This, to me, is apparently a huge fuck-up.

21:50

Isn’t it ironic: I recently had all these insights about brands and identity and “Platform35 is Brand Smit” … and now I am basically saying I’m like an old pickup truck stuck in a ditch full of quicksand when it comes to identity – spinning my wheels until the air is thick with rubber, but I’m not getting anywhere.

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