TUESDAY, 5 SEPTEMBER 2006
I am becoming increasingly aware of the shortcomings in my understanding of life and how things work – and I don’t think it is because I have forgotten anything that I have previously understood!
It is like reading a book; then you turn the page … and nothing. You go back: there’s the text and the beginning or the first part of a sentence, but the sentence doesn’t continue on the next page – as if it hasn’t been written yet.
That tells me that I have to go look for the rest of the text, or I have to locate the right author – or I have to wait for the rest of the text to come to me so that I can fill in the rest of the pages myself.
MONDAY, 11 SEPTEMBER 2006
I have to get myself another place to live. It feels like I am living and working in my office. Weekends are a little more special because then Natasja comes to visit – but it is still my office! Then she watches TV, and now and then I watch TV with her – in my office. And since I also have sleeping quarters where I work, we sleep there – in my office.
On weekdays, I get up somewhere between nine and ten o’clock. An hour later I am working. Maybe I break for lunch, and at about four o’clock I take a shower, go out to teach a class, get dinner on the way home, eat the dinner while watching a little TV, and then I continue with my work – until two or three o’clock in the morning. I do this Monday to Friday. Saturday is the same, except that I have no classes. Sunday I try to watch a little more TV.
Seven fucking days a week – in my office.
What then of the idea of a home office? No problem, even ideal. But what I have learned is that your workspace and your living space should be properly separated. That is why I have to find another place – not because there is something terribly wrong with my current apartment, but because it is no longer a home. I therefore do not have a home-office; I have an office-home.