The incessant reappearance of old material … and of course about appearance

FRIDAY, 24 DECEMBER 2004

I can say I am overdoing it at the moment; that I have to stop with this incessant revision of old material. But what it is about is the synchronization of internal and external appearances. If I appear to myself … if I exist in my apartment, I am a writer – but more than that, I am a writer down of fantastic insights I believe I do not so much think as receive.

The moment I enter the world outside my apartment, and especially if I make social appearances, I am just a 33 year-old man of South African origin, Afrikaans in terms of language and culture, who has been living in Taiwan for the past six years, making money – like hundreds of other Westerners in this city – as an English teacher, and who is most of the time not seen with an intimate partner. That’s it.

It’s no longer good enough. External appearances must necessarily be reviewed.

MONDAY, 27 DECEMBER 2004

Another thing: self-observation, self-definition, appearance … self-observation, self-definition, appearance … It is an ongoing process. Patterns are established that are repeated; adjustments are made; inaccurate information and appearances that are not in line with your view of yourself are corrected; new aspects of identity, or aspects that are more appropriate for the environment in which you find yourself are defined; more appearances are made; you again observe your “self”; again you consider things, you redefine, you re-appear …

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